No Turning Back

There's a song that I hear recently that isn't old or new, it's just kind of there. I know it was a hymn first and it's been redone by lots of different artists. My favorite is by The Belonging Co. and Hope Darst. I love the whole song, but there are some specific lyrics that hit me hard recently.

"I have decided to follow Jesus. I have decided to follow Jesus. I have decided to follow Jesus. No turning back. No turning back."

When I heard it most recently, this part of the song came out as both an anthem and a straight-up proclamation. It was a swift kick in the head because it reminded me that there truly is no turning back. If I wanted to go off the deep end and turn my back on Jesus completely, I could try. I could even be fairly successful on the outside, but my heart is changed forever. I will always know the good news, I will always have the gospel stored up in my heart, and I will always know when I'm going against His will for my life. It's like reaching into the cookie jar when mom isn't looking after she told me no. I know it's wrong and I know I'll suffer the consequences, but that cookie is calling my name. I hate to compare a cookie to sin, but it resonates well with me because of my strong affinity for cookies.

When I proclaim Jesus as Lord, I'm acknowledging Him as the absolute owner of my life. While He already has the whole world in His hands, it's something completely different to willingly submit all authority and supposed control of my life over to Him. It sounds so constricting. And I'll admit that I felt that way before I experienced the freedom for myself. I'll also admit that it's a daily struggle to submit my life to Him. A DAILY STRUGGLE. For anyone who thought it should be easy, here's your PSA that it's not. My flesh is strong from the constant attention it's gotten, but Jesus is so much stronger and He continues to meet me in the struggle.

You'd think being a stay-at-home mom would make it that much easier to seek Jesus regularly. But I'm here to tell you that being at home is almost no different than being at work all day. At least that's been the case for me. I try to blame it on continuing to work from home as a writer that I don't have time. But when I'm brutally honest with myself, I just don't carve out the time to abide. It hurts my own feelings to think that I can't sit at the feet of Jesus regularly because I'm too busy. Jesus wasn't too busy to carry a cross to Calvary. Nothing in this world is more important than opening my Bible and seeking the Voice of the Lord. Absolutely nothing.

I know this to be true. I will never be able to unknow this. Just like I won't ever forget all the pillars of faith He's built in me. I'll never forget those words in red letters that have blown my mind and opened my heart to things I'd never seen before. Once the veil is lifted, it can't be put back. Some days that feels like more of a curse than a blessing, but you can bet those are the days I'm not abiding and I'm not walking out obedience to the Lord.

I guess I should wrap this up and actually make a point. Here's my point: there is no turning back. Once you taste the freedom of making Jesus Lord of your life, nothing on this earth will ever truly compare. Not one thing.

"Jesus I confess you're Lord of my life. I choose to say yes to your ways not mine. No more running. No more searching. You're the only one for me."