I thought this prompt would be super easy, but now that I’m staring at the blank page I’m feeling a bit conflicted. That’s probably the universal sign for this is going to be a pretty long one today. It’s raining and I’m bound to the couch, so clearly I have the time for it. Hopefully you’ll hang with me to the very end. I think feeling at home can mean several different things, especially now that I’m an adult and I’ve lived some life. Almost 28 years of it to be exact. Initially, my answer to this prompt was that I felt most at home on the back of a horse. That’s still true, but it’s no longer my only answer to this. I also feel most at home just being at my house with Gus and Kennedy. The house and the location of that house really don’t matter, it feels like home because of who’s in it with me. And then the third place that I feel at home is when I’m in Oakland, on the 8 acres that I grew up on.
Horses
I’ve always felt fairly comfortable around and on horses. It wasn’t until the summer of 2016 that I absolutely felt at home while riding, no matter the horse I was on. That was the summer I spent working on a dude/cattle ranch as a wrangler in very northern Colorado. I was riding almost all day every day. It was an absolute dream from that stand point. I always wanted to be a cowgirl when I was growing up and desperately wished that I lived on a ranch. I still very much wish that was my reality to do this day. But I’ve also come to realize that ranching can be quite romanticized. After experiencing it first hand, I do know that I love every part of it and I would absolutely adore raising Gus in that environment. Anyway, off topic a bit there.
Spending all summer on the back of a horse really bolstered my confidence as a rider. I wasn’t climbing on the easy horses by any means, I was riding the horses that weren’t ready for guests yet. They weren’t exactly broncs, but they needed some work. I learned a lot from those string of horses and they helped me realize that I’m a pretty darn good rider. I’m not the showman I once I thought I wanted to be, but I can get the job done when it comes down to it. I feel at home on the back of a horse because I generally know what I’m doing and when I don’t, I’m confident I can figure it out. That’s really been put to the test lately since I’ve only been able to ride once every couple of months. Jaycee’s thrown her head between her knees a couple of times on those rides just to see what she can get away with, and it hasn’t been a whole lot.
Gus + Kennedy
I used to think home had to be a place. End of story. When I left Nebraska bound for the land where the water is still, I had to quickly learn that couldn’t be true for me. If home was going to be an actual location for me, then traveling and moving were not going to be a fun experience for me. Although there are places where I like more than others, that’s not what makes a place home for me. Home is about the people around me. I can make my home where my family is and that’s all there is to it. It’s especially true now that Gus is here. He’s just the happiest baby in the entire world and it’s hard to feel anything but at home when I’m with him.
In our wedding vows I quoted Ruth 1:16-17 - “Where you go I will go, and where you stay I will stay. Your people will be my people and your God my God. Where you die I will die, and there I will be buried. May the LORD deal with me, be it ever so severely, if anything but death separates you and me." And I meant every word of that when I said them to Kennedy. He has an adventurous spirit and I have no doubt the Lord will use that to send us to places outside of Oklahoma. I’m prepared for that and even excited to see what way the Lord has prepared for us. I know wherever he takes us we’ll be able to make our home and do His will there.
Oakland
You know the song that says “you’re always 17 in your hometown?” That’s exactly how I feel every time I go back home to Oakland. If you’ve never heard that song, you need to. Check it out here. I don’t think it will ever matter how old I get, every time I go back to Oakland it always feels like I never left and I’m 17 all over again. It’s very odd and was unexpected the first time I went home after I started at OSU. But that’s where I grew up and where I made a lot of those core memories. I wonder if it’s like that for other people who primarily grew up in one place or if it’s just a small town thing? No matter, I will likely always refer to Oakland as home. I still do it today even though I haven’t lived there in almost 10 years. I still say I’m going home when I head that direction.
Well, there you have it. What home means to me.
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